If I'm to be completely honest, I still don't feel like a 'grown up'. Even with a child that's about to start school in 3 weeks (!!), even though I've been in a committed relationship for almost 6 years, even though I've been paying my own bills for well over a decade, I feel like I'm still waiting to grow up. But now that I'm nearing the end of my...mid-to-late twenties, I've been feeling really nostalgic about my childhood. These days life can feel like a constant parade of responsibility and routine which can be really stifling to the spontaneous person that I naturally am.
This definitely isn't a case of Peter Pan Syndrome. I'm not looking to shuck responsibility and fly off into Never Never Land. Of course, having responsibilities are part and parcel of being an adult and there is no getting around them. Especially if you’re a parent.
I suppose it's the simplicity of the way things were that I miss more than anything else. Adulthood can be so unnecessarily complicated! Children don't dwell on things. They don't hold grudges. They won’t pretend to like you. They’re brutally honest. They think anything is possible. They don't care what anyone thinks. They're never TRYING to be, they just ARE. I feel like as an adult you're always trying to figure out what your next move should be. At least, I’m always trying to figure out what my next move should be. I was saying to Julien the other day that some days I’m so certain of what I’m doing and other days I feel like tumbleweed blowing in the wind with no sense of direction. Do you guys ever feel like that? Even now that I have a pretty solid idea of the direction I want to steer my life in and I know what steps I need to take to progress in that direction, it’s still pretty darn daunting.
Maybe it’s the preconceived idea that I had of what adulthood would be like. The idea that by the time I got to end of my twenties, I'd have everything figured out and it would be smooth sailing and life would just take care of itself. Suffice it to say, I'm still figuring it out. I think we're always trying to find our way. Even when it might appear that we've got it all figured out. And whilst I’m figuring it out I’d like to revert to that simplicity. Seeing joy and beauty in the little things. Seeing the world brimming with infinite possibilities. Not being jaded or cynical. Just...BEING.
I'd love to know your thoughts. Do we ever really grow up? Let me know in the comments!